In recent days life has been filled with mundane tasks, list checking, oversight to small tasks and just the daily haul of living life in this mainstream, vanity stricken world. Until recently, recently I realized that life can throw you a curve ball. When all seems to be going well and you seem to have all your ducks in a row and the 't's crossed and the dots on your "i" something comes in and throws you completely off your game.
In the moment you feel like you can't move. It feels like you got the wind knocked out of you and that forever you will be in this place of breathlessness. You will forever live in this place of uncertainty. Let me be the first to tell you that this is normal and okay. You don't have to move. You don't have to get up and pretend that everything is okay. Because the truth of the matter is that in that moment, it's not okay. It's okay to let yourself cry. It's okay to buy a tube of ice cream and eat it right out of the there with a spoon. It's okay to wake your roommate up in the middle of the night to cry because you simply can't do it by yourself. The thing that will help the most, however, is allowing yourself to come to terms with the reality of the situation. I am a firm believer in letting yourself go through the process of healing. Sometimes this includes letting yourself cry, other times it's letting yourself laugh and more often times then, not it's letting yourself move forward.
There comes a point where you will realize your strength. You will realize that you can actually move forward. At first, it will all feel like you are pretending. You will feel like you are faking putting one foot in front of the other. It will feel like you are tired just by smiling and saying that you are okay. But one day, someone will ask you how you are. You will look them square in the eye, reply your normal reply of "okay" and you will surprise yourself. Because for the first time, in a long time, you too will believe it!
Strength is found inside you. Strength is not forced and there is no timeline on when you will gain it. But when you do, you will surprise yourself. This is not to say that you will not never again feel like you've had the wind knocked out of you but you would have learned a better way to catch your breath. God is there with us in our breathlessness. He wants to draw you close to him and hold you while you cry. He wants to hold you while your face turns purple because for just a moment you've forgotten how to breath. So lean into that. Lean into the knowledge that even in your loneliness God is there, holding you, waiting for you to realize the strength that He has placed in you all along.
So maybe you have just had the wind knocked out of you, or you are in a place of not being able to move. Or maybe for the first time you believe that you are okay. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, it's the right thing to do and the right place to be. So let yourself feel. Let yourself do exactly what your doing. Because in this moment right now, the Creator of the universe is falling deeper and deeper in love with you. And that's pretty amazing.
Take it from me, because hindsight really is twenty twenty.